Circus McGurkus property of Cole Bros.

Took the girlies to the circus yesterday. Cole Bros Circus the oldest Big Top Circus still running and now I know why. This supposed free ticket trip ended up costing me over a hundred bucks. Now don’t get me wrong I know how expensive it has to be to run a Circus especially a traveling tent circus, and I have the utmost respect for all Circus/Carney folk. I admire the dedication to their craft and the incredibly strenuous schedule they keep. But….in these current economic times..cough cough… I cant help but feel that if Pee Wee had given up the mini hot dog tree biz and stuck with the circus gig he would have been summering in Miami and wintering in Malibu.
We had some coupons that were good for 1 free child admission with a paying adult. The adult tix were 17 bucks a piece but on the coup there was 5$ off that too. So I’m figuring ok.. Ill ask my Dad and sis if they want to go to and well make a night of it. So we get there about 45mins ahead of time and I jump into line with the help of a clown of short stature(Clown Midget). After 15 mins its my turn I toss my coup’s up and say 3 adults and the 2 kids should be free. Then the tiger woman behind the cage ticketing booth tells me “All we have left are V.I.P seats and Reserved Seats” ok so reserved is 3 bucks more so I go for that. 51 bucks done. Ok so I’m still thinking were within range here. Hell we got reserved seats that’s gotta be something right… I mean we should be able to see up the tight rope girls skirt  for reserved seating.

My Dad runs over and says he put Elle and Jane on the Elephant ride.  Ok… now I know the circus has Elephants and Lions and other such creatures that shouldn’t be spending their lives wandering around a tiny dirt ring working for ”peanuts”(sorry I had to), and I’m a total hypocrite here but when you have kids..and those kids wanna  touch an elephant…and their lil smiles are so urgent and needy you somehow find a way around your conscious. I mean honestly if I was that concerned I wouldn’t have come to the circus in the first place and if Babar can escape from the circus so could these guys.(Yes I have already come to terms with the fact that I’m going to hell) So here they go, one time around a mud path with a square footage of no more that 60 ft on the back of this poor drugged elephant……. they had the time of their lives. 24 more bucks spent on a straight injection of Elephant Morphine.

Now were perusing the local wares. The Glow Necklaces and inflatable Dora dolls so Ellie spies this Butterfly light up wand. “How Much for The Butterfly Wand?” I say to the shopkeep. “ !5” What What What…Did I eat a bowl of Triples this morning or did this lady really say 15 bucks for the Butterfly Wand that will certainly be thrown in the trash in a week. Yes 15 Dollars was the going price and I got going right on out of there. Explained to Elle those Butterfly Wands were broken and we couldnt buy them today.

Into the BIg Top we go after dropping another 12 bucks on a water, soda and a popcorn. The reserved seats that I thought were going to be up a zebras butt….NO NO NO silly Char, the seats were in damned New Zealand while the Circus was happening in the good ol’ US of A. We could hardly see the ring….besides the fact when we came to sit down there was an audible grimace from the family behind us. Now  I’m starting to feel like ok I better see some death defying feats or Im kicking one of these tent poles out on my way down the midway. But the feats were spectacular. To Quote my fave Dr. Seuss the Cole Bros circus was Colossal Stupendous Fantastic Outrageous Terrific Tremendous. There was a motorcycle sphere thingey with 2 guys doing loopdey loops and 11 guys from Malaysia that balanced chairs and their brethren on their chins.  So the acts were good the girls loved it.

Then the inevitable happened the girls had to go to the bathroom. So we mozied on down to the port a potty pavilion where we straddled and hovered and probably produced acts so skillfully executed they could have been part of the circus itself. The kicker of the whole thing was that you had to pay a dollar to wash your hands. The water was free but the pump of hand soap they were offering cost 1.00!!!! Ughhh no wonder they had someone foreign running the hand washing gig…so he wouldn’t understand the slew of profanities being slung at him for slutting out softsoap. ( Say that 5 times fast)

In the end the girls got their 12 dollar swords and were happy to have seen all of the crazy circus nonsense. And while my children dream of the wonderment behind the giant yellow tents Cole Bros will be cashing in on  the next town of sucker parents who will spend 100 bucks on a 3 minute elephant ride, some popcorn, a smidgen of soap, a cheap ass light up sword and a 2 hour non stop thrill fest.