The worlds always busting my friggin’ agates

“And I got a rash so bad on my ass, I can’t even sit down. But you know me. I can’t complain."

As my friend Jeffrey Lebowski would put it ”Fuckin’ A, man. I got a rash, man. “

Quite honestly Im overwhelmed with life right now, Char was never meant to be Super Mom or Super Homeowner or Super Employee or anything besides Super Char.

Which includes being super at laying on the beach, day dreaming, playing pinball,  putting on puppet shows and occasionally saying something bright and witty.

This single mom shit is for the birds quite honestly ..dont get me wrong I adore my gals were a team , Team Ely all the way but without our captain this ships getting lost in murky waters.

Juggling is a talent Im much too uncoordinated to handle. Im dropping balls left and right. I woke up in a panic this morning because I remembered I was supposed to send juice packs in with Ellie for a Valentines day party. So 2 days ago there were 15 kids choking on candy hearts looking for a Capri Sun to wash it down with and NADA. Oh well just another thing to add to the list of incompetent acts I’ve performed over my lifetime.

This house buying experience is a god damn nightmare, the sellers are lunatics and just to give a brief insight to what Im dealing with. My electrician shows up yesterday with the sellers agent to do some work before settlement which IM PAYING for, and seller dude takes the lock box key and is held up in the house for 15 mins while they are banging at the door to get inside for the scheduled appointment, and then decides to come to the door and wont let them in. That…and the roofs about to fall apart and the only thing I asked for was money towards the roof which they said they would give but wont sign a paper saying they will. So basically Im about to have to walk away from this deal that Ive already sunk quite a bit of money into , before it gets any worse.

Oh yeah and I almost had to work on Easter, that got figured out but still..annoying.

So yeah..Fuckin A man.I gotta rash man.

God Only Knows

9 months to the day

WOW I just realized today’s an anniversary day, which makes what Im about to profess all the more reasonable.

For those who know us(which is the majority of the people that read this blog) you may or not remember that Mike and Chars wedding song was “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys. Paul MCartney once expressed that he thought it was the deepest most beautiful song he ever heard,  and Ely and I agreed whole-heartedly. There was never a question that song over all others was the most dear to us. We spent many an evening laying on the couch together listening to music, not trying hard , not wanting it to be more,  just together. God Only Knows was one of those songs we would never talk over, we felt its power everytime and to be honest I dont think we discussed it much we didnt need to. When the topic of a wedding mix came up we both immediately knew God Only Knows would be the crowning jewel of that nuptial compilation.

The day of our wedding on the way to the Kings Palace Ely said “Jesus Char I never realized how depressing that song is – The first line is:: “I may not always love you….” . I of course brought him back around and convinced him he was being crazy to think that people wouldn’t feel the song as a whole like we did. And who gives a hoot anyway Mikey this is for you and me. So the wedding commenced without a hitch and we had an amazing day, the most amazing day.When we were cutting our cake amongst friends and family who could attend, we both held onto the knife and as it came down into the cake the knife broke in half. The handle literally came off in our hands with the blade stuck in the cake. Mike was so nervous he didnt know what to do, I said its like the wishbone its good luck. I never thought about it till now but we got the small end.

Today I took the girls to the beach one of his favorite places to be with me, and then later with the girls and I. As we were frolicking in the waves(and yes I do  mean frolicking) Jane spotted a boat coming close to the  shoreline where we were swimming. It was one of those boats that carry advertising on the back, for some random seafood buffet or water sport adventures. Didn’t think much of it, my own inner child fascination with watching boats in the water inspired me to keep an eye on it as it floated by. As it did I could hear the music. God only knows what Id be without you..God only knows…God only knows what I’d be without you.. I literally felt the breath sucked out of me,  looked around..looked at the ocean, the sky, Jane and Ellie and knew he was there.Thought of a million reasons why it should be him , why he would choose to talk to me this way, why he would pick this place and this time. Just yesterday Anne and I were talking about how we both see signs in music. It may be kooky but when you experience such a profound loss I believe you are open to things that normally are taken for granted. Or your just fucking crazy, but that remains to be seen;) The only argument I had against it was..well we are at the beach and it is a Beach Boys song, but when the boat came back around later and they were blaring “You Shook Me All Night Long” that discouragement vanished.
And as I sit down to write this afternoon, realizing 9 months ago today he stretched out on on one of our armchairs(not his normal spot by the way)  and never got back up….it was him , I know it.

God Only Knows:

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I’ll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I’d be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you

I miss you too my love.

Janes Dream Man

Jane Says:

Well I want him to be 6 foot 5 120 lbs,,,,

and….

he would have to have a green Mohawk.

And I would like him to have a sweaty face when I meet him

Mom Says:

Jane,  What does a sweaty face represent?

Jane Says:

Sweaty Families…

He would also have hazel eyes .

He would have to be wearing a Flyers shirt and…..

Ellie MOVE!!!!

ha ha ha ha (Maniacal Laughter Ensues)

Hey that’s how I like my guys….